So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The adults are the big ones right?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
