I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
