TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
