And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Dicks are not precious.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
