It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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