I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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