i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
