Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
