Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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