Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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