This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
