He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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