Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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