omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
