I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
