someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
