u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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