If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
