I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
