there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
