i think my mom watched the whole time
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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