I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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