I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
