belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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