Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
