I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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