New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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