Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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