she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
