I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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