benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
