i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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