gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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