How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
please come you make the beer taste better
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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