I just pynch a tree in the face
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
