My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
