Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
