She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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