Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
