I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
