I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
