it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
