a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
