Hey man sorry I got all grabby
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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