You don't have asthma, your pregnant
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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