Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
even my farts smell like vagina
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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