Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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