so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
