when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
