i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
