You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
